Denzel

I know, never say never-right?!
For F&^*%'s Sake, I had one of the strangest experiences of my life over the Turkey Holiday.
So my mom was nice enough to watch the boys so that me and my man (Did you see the season finale of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" How funny was that?!) could go to a movie. We saw "American Gangster" Good movie-a little long in the middle, but overall really good. Good solid acting, good script, good movie.
So, as we are sitting in our seats waiting for the film to start I notice something very strange and a little unsettling about the audience. There was not a single African-American person in the audience other than me. Is that crazy or what?! I don't think that I have EVER been to a Denzel Washington movie and been the ONLY BLACK PERSON IN THE AUDIENCE!!!
Then-at the end of the movie the Public Enemy song starts to play and they FREAKIN' TURN IT DOWN!!!!
I mean-
WTF
really-
WTF!

After that I was like, "Baby, we have GOT to move on up outta here." "These people are CRAZY."

Visit

I am 6 days into my parents' 13 day visit. I am feeling optimistic that I can make it without having to be hospitalized. However, I may be needing some rather strong sedatives sometime later in the week.
Happy Turkey Day!

Needle

OK, yeah the make-up does have that "Wet and Wild" quality to it-doesn't it?!

Anyway-
Where have I been? We've been sick. Yep. I, who pride myself on my robust immune system have been ill for at least the past 2 weeks. I hate whining, so I will stop there.

The other day I was having a bit of nostalgia. I was thinking about how I used to make mix-tapes. (my niece and nephew looked at me like the dog looks at me when I make a high whistle without moving my mouth.) Then I started to think about how when I was in high school, we would go to parties and you couldn't dance next to the record player or the needle would skip and how the "cool" radio station would play some artist's complete album on Friday or Saturday night at midnight. I would try to stay up and record it on one 90 minute cassette. I remember trying to time flipping the cassette from side A to side B and rewinding so that I didn't have 5 minutes of silence at the start of side B of the album. Funny---side A and side B...
Last time I counted, we have 4 iPods in our home. No skipping. No "dammit the DJ started talking at the end of my song. I hardly EVER even listen to the radio. Just check iTunes to figure out what music to buy.
The other day in my Pilates class (no it isn't working, I STILL get asked when the baby is due. Answer: January 2006, bee-ahch) I notice that like 4 people have iPhones. WHAT?! The reason I noticed is that one of them started ringing during the "corkscrew" excercise. My husband thinks that she was just showing off and asked her friend to call her so she would have to bring out the phone.....Well-that's Maco for you.....

Beauty

So a great friend sent me to this website. Rumor is that the company has been bought out and wants to unload all of its cosmetics.
Here is the link
www.eyeslipsface.com
Everything is $1.
Yeah, yeah-let your inner beauty shine....

Craigslist

Oh, I just saw this on Craigslist LAX and had to share it with you....

I'm the best life coach you could ever get. I will trade my amazing life coaching services (a $250 an hour service) for a car. Must be new, nothing older than 2005. I also need a place to stay, I can trade my life coaching or my massaging services (a $200 an hour value!) for a new home or apartment, only in good neighborhoods (Santa Monica or Malibu ONLY!!) I am a relationship coach too (a $175 an hour value!). Although I haven't been with a woman for over seven years, I know my stuff. I can also trade my psychic abilities (a $225 an hour value!). Also, I have excellent personal training skills (a $300 an hour value!) that I can trade. I am living on the streets and need this stuff soon. I'm very hungry too and could use a meal. Please hurry up and respond to my email before the library closes, I don't want to spend another night on the beach.

Sleep

I am pretty sure that my kids are doing a study on the effects of sleep deprivation on the adult female.
Since Saturday, they have been taking turns either waking up at various times during the night and refusing to stay in their beds or the oldest just starts off the night with tall tales about monsters and fear and darkness driving him to the safety of my bed because he loves me so much.
I think I am losing.....

Crime

Yikes, I've been a bit out of touch lately. I'll have to do some catching up today and tomorrow.
First, I have to talk about Bill Belichick.
Now, in my house if there is a crime, there is usually a punishment, right.
WHAT?! They charged him some money and a he loses a future draft pick. Pah-leeze! What was the Maco parents association in on that decision?!
"No, Hunter-darling. You cannot hit the baby on the head with your Tonka truck. Now we'll talk about how that behavior could possibly affect your trust fund after the nanny comes over to take care of you and Mommy gets back from her Botox treatment."
Comon! I think the punishment should have been more directly related to the crime. If he wants to cheat and use cameras and microphones to snoop on the other team. Then he should have all of his technology taken away from him. Yep, it is chalkboard and chalk. X's and O's. No headphones, no cell phones, no faxes, no computers, nuthin.
Oh, they can use the old school rotary phones.

Britney

Can I just give a big shout out to Miss Britney Spears?!
Yes-giiirrrrlll!
I swear, I am NOT taking a shot at her. Well, at least not at her body..
OK-so how much did I LOVE seeing her in that black bikini on TV? So, Britney and I have both had 2 kids (and I'm 40!!!) and lemme tell you, seeing her her and her not being all perfect and skinny and everything just made me feel GOOD about the body that I am in. I mean, I'm not sure if she intentionally wore the bikini to show off her momma-body or perhaps this was just a poor choice by her stylist.
And I'm not sure if she was making a statement for mothers all over the world to love and show off your post-babies body, but it worked for me.
It is HARD to get a hard body after having kids.
Now, granted, Britney probably has a personal trainer, chef, nanny, and nutritionist to help her get rid of the baby fat. I'm pretty sure that Britney doesn't eat many dino nuggets with goldfish crackers in a nice apple juice and katsup sauce but suddenly, after seeing her slight pouch on MTV, my pouch doesn't seem so terrible.

Hey, I just thought of something-What if she is pregnant again...Oh, won't the press be eating crow for taking trash about the belly....


Now, the fact that she looked and sounded like she was on Quaaludes and champagne as she walked glassy-eyed through her dance routine-that's another blog entry.....

Lists

Forgive me, Father for I have sinned:
It has been over a month since I last worked out....
So, I did 45 minutes on the bike, 2 Hellelujahs, and then 1- "No, I'm not pregnant-just fat."

Can I just tell you why my new job is loving my husband?

So yesterday I sent him this grocery list:

fruit plums, berries
turkey meatloaf
yoghurt for Haile (vanilla TJ brand in white and yellow cup)
Almond milk X2
Honey-sesame almonds
Lemon Sorbet x2
Coffee (Ethiopian grind for french press #5, I think)
Jakes Fault wine
muloP

Please pay special attention to the Coffee entry
Does it not say, "Ethiopian grind for french press #5, I think?"
So, this morning I go to open the can.
Yep-
Beans
He didn't grind it.
Even with the special instructions, he gave me a can of beans.
Yeah, I wanted to call him like when I was 8 months pregnant and pitched a fit because I couldn't find the remote, but I didn't.

Then today, he sends me this e-mail. No salutation, no closing. Just this:

New shows:

Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Bionic Woman

Big Shots

Dirty Sexy Money

Journeyman

Chuck

Life

Tell Me You Love Me

other:

The Fever (HBO movie)

Rocket Science (HBO Movie)

White Light/Black Rain (HBO Documentary)

Brown Sugar (movie)

old shows:

Curb Your Enthusiasm

heros

house

criminal minds

csi

numbers

the office

* * * * * Confidential Notice * * * * *
This e-mail message is for the sole use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain confidential and/or privileged information. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure, or distribution is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient(s), please contact the sender by reply e-mail and destroy all copies of the original message. Thank you.

I think this might be the agenda for the tonight's team meeting. I'm not sure. It is "confidential" so I think that only tomorrow's riders are allowed to attend

Move

So, it looks like we are moving into a new place here in lovely San Rafael.
Yikes, did I say that out loud?!
Ack-I feel like I swallowed a hairball.....do excuse the strange noises....
Anyway-
As I tend to be the type of person that thinks about things way too much-I am carrying around a bit more stress than usual.
Probably because we don't have a place, yet.
Also
Today, I packed 1 box with the help of my 2 boys.
It took 45 minutes...

75

Why have I been driving my son's balance bike (pictured above) around in the minivan for the past week? (OK, yeah this sentence is strange to me for a couple of reasons. 1. I admit to driving a minivan and 2. I refer to something called a balance bike-- what's next a recumbent)
anyway
Well, the reason I have been driving the bike around is because people in Marin Co (Maco from here on out) are crazy!!
I have a theory that people in Maco are so rich and yet so mindless that they willingly pay (the more they pay-the better) for anything and everything-including air.
Here I go-
So I realize that my son is riding a little low on his balance bike and pull out our 2 bike pumps. (why anyone needs 2 bike pumps is something only my husband can answer-oh right, a bike DOES have 2 wheels,right) The balance bike has a wooden wheel with a little space cut out for the valve. Unfortunately, this little space is too small for our pump head to fit, so I cannot inflate the tire.
So, I stick the bike in the minivan to take to our local filling station to inflate the tires. When I get to the station I go to the airhose and try to inflate the tire, but nothing comes out. So, I think that the airhose is broken. No, probably not broken, better READ the INSTRUCTIONS, maybe then you can figure it out. So, I read on and discover that this machine requires 75 cents to turn it on!! Yeah, 75 damn cents for friggin' air!!
OK, so maybe I'm like totally cheap but for f@#$%'s sake--75 cents.
Why not a dollar?! Why not TEN dollars?!!!!
I mean, it is AIR!
Crud, it practically ruined my day.
I'll even admit that a portion of my annoyance was because the entire time that I an internally cursing and squawking about the 75 cents, there was a chorus of, "Momma, what you doing? Momma why isn't the tire full of air? Miiinnneeee!!...Momma are you fixing it? Why isn't it fixed?...Stop no touch carseat!!!...Mine!!!...Momma?...Momma?....Momma?..."

Breathe...

I mean, if you are at a filling station, pulling up to the air hose, you are probably having some sort of bad day. Your tires are low and you are late for an appointment or you have been pushing your bike for 7 blocks in the heat with a puncture and just need some air to get you home. Then you pull up and damn, the friggin' machine wants 75 damn cent to give you some damn air.
Did I mention that the machine doesn't make change and only takes quarters?
That's just wrong
Yeah, I could have gone inside and get some change, but I just have to draw the line somewhere.
So that's why I am driving my son's balance bike around in the minivan.


Hopefully neutral support will drive by soon and give me a wheel.

Dream

I had a rather strange dream last night. Now, I wish I could say that it was something hot and involved naked people and oils and tropical settings.
No-
So in the dream, I'm shopping at a gourmet grocery store and I am so happy because I'm not worried about spending too much money on anything. I'm pretty happy and shopping. Then I notice this sort of trashy looking guy in near one of the displays and then I realize that he is in his underwear. Then-I realize that it is Floyd Landis. Yeah, Floyd Landis, Tour de France....something or another, in his tidee-whitees wandering in a gourmet grocery store. (and can I just say-he was not looking very fresh.) So, at first I try to ignore him and then I feel compelled to go over to him and point out that he is grocery shopping in his underpants. He (of course) doesn't take this news very well and insists that he is properly dressed and we begin a rather short discussion about his attire. He admits his error and leaves the store a bit chagrined and I go back to my shopping.
My concern is
WHY am I dreaming about Floyd Landis in his underpants?
I mean, dreams are supposed to reveal the innermost workings of one's subconscious, right? I guess I'm working on underpants and gourmet grocery stores.....

paRENTs

Whew!
My parents just left after a long visit. I know, I always break my 5-day visit limit. It is a hard one to set when they are 75 years-young and live on the other side of the country. Love to have them around, but well-anywhoooo! I'm trying to be a more positive person. No-really, I am going to be more positive.
So, I won't blog today about my study on people (ah-hem I mean people in Marin Co.) that drive hybrids and Priuses. Nope, today I am going to be positive
I hope you all got to catch the woman on Ebay who was selling the Pokemon cards. She has an awesome blog called "Because I Said So" it is here on blogger. I aspire to be as huge as she is.
Anyone catching "Yo Gabba-Gabba?" My kids absolutely LOVE it. It is like Mr Rodgers on ecstasy at a rave. It is pretty hip. "Think happy thoughts--happy thoughts--" catchy songs like that....
Anyway-positive...yeah. OK I am struggling because as you know, one of my favorite things is to complain and be bitter and point out crazy-stupid stuff, so basically I had better log out and post tomorrow when I am more like myself and cranky.
The climb is starting to get the best of me. I'm digging deep into my reserves so I don't get shelled out the back.

Lost

I think I lost my sense of humor last week.
That, or as with most things that I do, I start strong and then sort of fizzle....

Anyway-
We hit the BADM again and this time I remembered my camera.

Cowboy

Pirate

I was so happy to see Shaggy there again. He was sitting in front of the Tot Spot practicing his electric bass. Nope, it wasn't plugged in. Yes, he was playing strong. He did look up when my youngest attempted an escape from the Tot Spot to chase a bird. Didn't stop the 1 year old doing the 100-yard dash without an adult, but he did look up.

I'm trying to open my self up to Marin Co. OK, honestly-I'm not. I take a shot at Marin every chance I get. Not an "Ultimate Fighting"- shot,more like an Us Magazine talking about Paula Abdul's meltdown-shot.
I take back all the bad stuff that I said about where we used to live. I now realize that we had it pretty good. I'll take a Yolo pamphlet-head over a Marin big money-little brains any day. At least the Yolos take the time to read the pamphlet, discuss it in line at the Nugget and Coop, and then lecture you about it at the swimming pool. Marins just look at you blankly, puff up their surgically enhanced chests , smile and gesture like Vanna White at their new SUV. (I'll talk about all the hybrids later)

Yeah,I do talk a lot about surgery, and I probably shouldn't talk. Comon, I would probably get a boob-job and a tummy tuck in a hot second if I were offered it. (I won't go into what my husband said the other day, now.)

Discovery

We went to visit the Bay Area Discovery Museum on Friday. I discovered a LOT of things while we were there.
The boys had an awesome time. Yeah, I forgot my camera so no photos. I did remember food, water and extra diapers, but the boys weren't thirsty, hungry, and no one did any eliminations-so, there you have it. I brought everything that I didn't need.
Anyway-
The museum is totally cool. Lots of fun stuff for little kids to play and explore. I only lost the kids a few times and never had to get security to help me find them.
Although-
I'm not sure that security would have been all that helpful. I mean, I think that to work at the Discover Museum, you have to be a card-carrying member of NORML. The guy working in the Arts and Crafts center looked like Shaggy from Scooby Doo, but more discheveled. And then when my oldest kept getting the ropes to the pulley tangled the guy would come over and try to untangle them and would just kind of giggle and say, "Dude-you really got them all tangled this time." And then my 4-year-old would untangle them himself (and let me just say that he was a super nice guy and was really sweet to all of the kids so I probably shouldn't be cracking on him.)
So, I'm walking around and noticing that there are a LOT of young mothers with their multiple children walking around. I was like, "Dang, she has got such a flat tummy for having had 3 kids--and she looks SO young." Then I was noticing that there were a bunch of women of color who had really light babies. And I was like, "Dang-her kids are light." Then I realized. These women aren't the mommies, they are Mommy's helper, au pairs, nannys, and the house keeper-duh. So then I am starting to catch on....
And then...
Oh yeah-Boobs!
I see this one woman with the biggest ones I have ever seen. She was skinny like Paris Hilton with like DD's. I mean, MAYBE she was nursing--but what about her 3 friends who weren't as skinny as her, but were very well, you know. And like, when they smiled, their foreheads didn't move.
I swear, Marin county is just the poor man's version of LA. I mean, Marin County might think it is San Francisco, but it ain't.

Fresh

The bro deal: hugs-hugs-and more hugs!!

Looking fresh with the 'fro blown out, matching hair band, beaded necklace and polo. First day at the new pre-school.

Attraction

No one ever told me about this little tidbit of being a mom. I'm not complaining, just making a simple observation. I mean, if I were a scientist, I wouldn't be accused of complaining. No one ever says that scientists are complaining or anything-NO! They are just being "brilliant" or whatever.
Anyway-What is it the strange force that creates the condition that no matter what time of day or where I am in the house or how many children and animals are in the house at that time the animals and children are usually in extremely close proximity to me. I believe that there is some sort in correlation between my desire to be alone and the proximity that the children and animals have to me, but I haven't really been able to do any good testing on this. I've noticed that this phenomenon does not work for my husband.
Take this Sunday for example. All I wanted was to watch the last stage of the Tour De France, finish my coffee, and read my book. My husband sits on sofa surrounded by the morning paper (Chronicle and NY Times) reading and glancing up at the TV. I have one child asking for "Uppies, Momma-uppies!" and the other sitting on my lap trying to drink my now cold coffee as the dog sits at my feet, No ON my foot snoring. I look at my husband and ask if anything about this scene seems strange to him. He asks, "What do you mean?"
Is this like, why they call it a "nuclear" family? Is this like the force of attraction that a electron has to an unbalanced molecule? Is this what makes H2O, instead of H sitting alone calmly sipping her coffee, watching the Tour?
Someone wants to "Dee down, Momma! Dee down!"
I'm back to the team car for food and drinks for the team captain.

Coffee

OK, so this morning starts out with me making my morning coffee, right? Sounds simple. Well, I'm standing there carefully adding 4 scoops (OK, 5 scoops) of ground coffee to my coffee cup, then I add the stevia (yeah, sugar-whatever) and I stir. Meanwhile, the coffee maker is sitting there on the counter screaming to me, "Hey dummy, the coffee grounds go here!!" Then as I start to raise my cup, I realize that I have made a terrible mistake. I mean, not a G dub-uah invading Iraq, mistake, but a mistake none the less.
I've lost time. The peloton is gaining.

Today we made an airplane out of our new microwave box. Fun

Testing the water

Just testing this out. Seeing if it is as easy as it seems.