Craigslist

Oh, I just saw this on Craigslist LAX and had to share it with you....

I'm the best life coach you could ever get. I will trade my amazing life coaching services (a $250 an hour service) for a car. Must be new, nothing older than 2005. I also need a place to stay, I can trade my life coaching or my massaging services (a $200 an hour value!) for a new home or apartment, only in good neighborhoods (Santa Monica or Malibu ONLY!!) I am a relationship coach too (a $175 an hour value!). Although I haven't been with a woman for over seven years, I know my stuff. I can also trade my psychic abilities (a $225 an hour value!). Also, I have excellent personal training skills (a $300 an hour value!) that I can trade. I am living on the streets and need this stuff soon. I'm very hungry too and could use a meal. Please hurry up and respond to my email before the library closes, I don't want to spend another night on the beach.

Sleep

I am pretty sure that my kids are doing a study on the effects of sleep deprivation on the adult female.
Since Saturday, they have been taking turns either waking up at various times during the night and refusing to stay in their beds or the oldest just starts off the night with tall tales about monsters and fear and darkness driving him to the safety of my bed because he loves me so much.
I think I am losing.....

Crime

Yikes, I've been a bit out of touch lately. I'll have to do some catching up today and tomorrow.
First, I have to talk about Bill Belichick.
Now, in my house if there is a crime, there is usually a punishment, right.
WHAT?! They charged him some money and a he loses a future draft pick. Pah-leeze! What was the Maco parents association in on that decision?!
"No, Hunter-darling. You cannot hit the baby on the head with your Tonka truck. Now we'll talk about how that behavior could possibly affect your trust fund after the nanny comes over to take care of you and Mommy gets back from her Botox treatment."
Comon! I think the punishment should have been more directly related to the crime. If he wants to cheat and use cameras and microphones to snoop on the other team. Then he should have all of his technology taken away from him. Yep, it is chalkboard and chalk. X's and O's. No headphones, no cell phones, no faxes, no computers, nuthin.
Oh, they can use the old school rotary phones.

Britney

Can I just give a big shout out to Miss Britney Spears?!
Yes-giiirrrrlll!
I swear, I am NOT taking a shot at her. Well, at least not at her body..
OK-so how much did I LOVE seeing her in that black bikini on TV? So, Britney and I have both had 2 kids (and I'm 40!!!) and lemme tell you, seeing her her and her not being all perfect and skinny and everything just made me feel GOOD about the body that I am in. I mean, I'm not sure if she intentionally wore the bikini to show off her momma-body or perhaps this was just a poor choice by her stylist.
And I'm not sure if she was making a statement for mothers all over the world to love and show off your post-babies body, but it worked for me.
It is HARD to get a hard body after having kids.
Now, granted, Britney probably has a personal trainer, chef, nanny, and nutritionist to help her get rid of the baby fat. I'm pretty sure that Britney doesn't eat many dino nuggets with goldfish crackers in a nice apple juice and katsup sauce but suddenly, after seeing her slight pouch on MTV, my pouch doesn't seem so terrible.

Hey, I just thought of something-What if she is pregnant again...Oh, won't the press be eating crow for taking trash about the belly....


Now, the fact that she looked and sounded like she was on Quaaludes and champagne as she walked glassy-eyed through her dance routine-that's another blog entry.....

Lists

Forgive me, Father for I have sinned:
It has been over a month since I last worked out....
So, I did 45 minutes on the bike, 2 Hellelujahs, and then 1- "No, I'm not pregnant-just fat."

Can I just tell you why my new job is loving my husband?

So yesterday I sent him this grocery list:

fruit plums, berries
turkey meatloaf
yoghurt for Haile (vanilla TJ brand in white and yellow cup)
Almond milk X2
Honey-sesame almonds
Lemon Sorbet x2
Coffee (Ethiopian grind for french press #5, I think)
Jakes Fault wine
muloP

Please pay special attention to the Coffee entry
Does it not say, "Ethiopian grind for french press #5, I think?"
So, this morning I go to open the can.
Yep-
Beans
He didn't grind it.
Even with the special instructions, he gave me a can of beans.
Yeah, I wanted to call him like when I was 8 months pregnant and pitched a fit because I couldn't find the remote, but I didn't.

Then today, he sends me this e-mail. No salutation, no closing. Just this:

New shows:

Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Bionic Woman

Big Shots

Dirty Sexy Money

Journeyman

Chuck

Life

Tell Me You Love Me

other:

The Fever (HBO movie)

Rocket Science (HBO Movie)

White Light/Black Rain (HBO Documentary)

Brown Sugar (movie)

old shows:

Curb Your Enthusiasm

heros

house

criminal minds

csi

numbers

the office

* * * * * Confidential Notice * * * * *
This e-mail message is for the sole use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain confidential and/or privileged information. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure, or distribution is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient(s), please contact the sender by reply e-mail and destroy all copies of the original message. Thank you.

I think this might be the agenda for the tonight's team meeting. I'm not sure. It is "confidential" so I think that only tomorrow's riders are allowed to attend

Move

So, it looks like we are moving into a new place here in lovely San Rafael.
Yikes, did I say that out loud?!
Ack-I feel like I swallowed a hairball.....do excuse the strange noises....
Anyway-
As I tend to be the type of person that thinks about things way too much-I am carrying around a bit more stress than usual.
Probably because we don't have a place, yet.
Also
Today, I packed 1 box with the help of my 2 boys.
It took 45 minutes...